Living In The South

My recent visit from my mid-western sister and brother-in-law forces me to think, again, about my life in the South. When we first moved here Martha worried about our quality of life, but this area has changed a lot since those days, progressed in many good ways. There is very little we lack here. And yet...

... yesterday (Good Friday) we were driving along Mt Gallant Rd and saw a scene in front of a Baptist Church that shocked and horrified me. Men, real men, men who look like your average banker or mailman who I've probably stood next to in a store, were hanging from crosses in a reenactment of the crucifixion of Christ. The guy playing Jesus had mock blood all over him and the 'thief' on the right looked like he had eaten one too many times at Outback. (I'm pretty sure men in the time of Jesus didn't weigh 280 pounds.) It was an obscene display that I'm still trying to process. I wish I'd taken a picture. I totally get it that Christians focus on the fact that Jesus died for them, to rid them of sin. What I don't get is their obsession with the cross itself; it's a symbol of violence, of hate; it served to embarrass and humiliate the person nailed to it. Shouldn't the symbol of a religion be a reflection of the teachings of its founder? Love, forgiveness, kindness, generosity, etc.? Acknowledge the sacrifice - yes. But be so focused on the violent actions of those who did that to him that they reenact it? wear it around their necks? If they had killed Jesus by stabbing him would today's Christians wear little butcher knives on their necklaces? I think they've missed the point of Jesus' teachings and actually take away from his message by focusing on the actions of his killers.

Anyway,  Southerners can also be funny, kind, and smart. These are some of the many things I like about them. What follows is one of those Southern jokes that can't help but make you smile. I think Jesus himself would've enjoyed a clever spoof like this, more so than the gruesome display glorifying his death.

How To Install A Home Security System In The South

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of used men's work boots, size 14-16.
2. Put them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.
3. Place a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba,

Big Jim, Duke, Slim, and I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls - - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

-Cooter